What I’ve Become

I was raised in a strict and strong religious household by a single mother, who at a certain point in her life felt that it was time to “come clean” and commit the rest of her life to God, which in turn also meant that my sister and I were to do the same. Any ambitions or dreams of mine as a kid to become a football player,  a wrestler, a fireman or as a teenager to become a doctor,a  lawyer, or an officer were secondary. To my mother the real achievement in life was to save my soul and others from “the world”. Naturally, any child wants to receive approval from their parents and even more so if there is only one parent. So at a young age I became a master at getting that “approval”, even if it meant me being unhappy. For many years I played the role of the perfect son and prospered spiritually in my bubble even though deep down I knew that the person that I had become was not me.

However, being in this strict religious household was not all bad. It did save me from a lot of dangers that most inner-city children are exposed to. I learned many valuable lesson and many valuable morals are instilled in me today because of my past. One important lesson that has always stuck with me is that we all posses the quality of Free Will. We all have the ability to make our own choices without any constraints, whether it be good or bad. And as a young adult, learning this important fact and pondering over it for years, I decided that I could no longer be the person that my mother wanted to be. I was going to be who I wanted to be and be content with the decisions that I make, whether it be good or bad. I was ready for “the world”. I had finally freed the person I held inside for so long.  I was ready to discover all that I had been protected from and experience life outside of the bubble.  And to my mothers surprise, although there have been some obvious disappointments, I am not that different now than who I was then.

 I Ain’t Afraid

I stay living

blinking days away day-to-day

Waking up to monsters at night

and day dreaming my fears away

On bright days you might find me

intoxicated with strength

passing the bottle to my kinfolk and kid

Not afraid to die and wanting my youngin to live

Holding his innocence to the sky

hoping he stay in the light of the Omega

Sometiming tears down my beard

So that I can savor them later

To remind me to stay convicted as I march through battlefields

With my loved one’s spirits in front of me

Hypocritical savages trying to take down the Gemini

or maybe even just one of me

But in two’s I walked out of the ark

to face the storm alone

So that when the Son comes down

I’ll already be home

With my youngin held high

far from the reach of  their fears

Intoxicated with my kinfolk while

Son drying the dampness of my beard

2 thoughts on “What I’ve Become

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s